I don’t belong here

#Radiohead

This is a tricky subject.

I’ve been thinking about my relationships recently and how they affect me or how I affect them. From friends, to family, to your partner, people can really improve your daily situations or really bring you down, even if not on purpose.

The thing is, we should be spending more time with the people we love and really try to be present when we are with them – meaning, let go of your phone! Really listen to what they have to say and take the opportunity to get to know them better.

At least that’s what I keep reading. And reading it really did spur me into action and I made plans with friends and made the effort to focus on them.

It didn’t quite go as planned.

I’m an introvert.

When I teach, it’s like I’m playing a role, so I’m not shy or quiet. I’m loud and move around a lot and laugh. If I told my students that I was shy, they would probably laugh it off as a joke.

My closest friends know I can be awkward around people I’m not comfortable with, but even they probably wouldn’t say that I’m an introvert. With them, I’m comfortable being as loud as I want. As weird as I want.

There are others that I can be comfortable with on certain occasions. And unfortunately it wasn’t on one of those occasions that I ended up in when I was so convinced that I needed to be a more present friend.

It was an awkward afternoon. I didn’t say much, which was bad because we were only three people. When I got home I was very let down and blaming myself for the whole thing.

How do you get over your shyness?

How do you make a connection?

I’ve got friends I don’t have anything to talk with. Is that weird?

I’m trying to improve, but it’s very tempting to just look at my phone during an awkward silence. It’s just so easy.

I guess we need to power through these little awkward moments in order to grow.

I’ll keep on pushing myself.

Here’s a sketch of my parents’ dog.

caco.jpg

 

The Sardine

 

 

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