No song references today.
Last Friday was my birthday.
I didn’t particularly plan a birthday party per say, as I hate planning them. I get way too stressed out about it and if people are enjoying themselves or not. This time I just sent a message to my friends saying, I’ll be in Lisbon, come meet me and we’ll have a few drinks.
On Saturday I went to work in the morning, had a very long birthday lunch with my family and then headed out to Lisbon with my boyfriend, who’d flown in for the weekend. We walked around, had dinner, and then decided to wait for my friends in a bar.
We ended up finding an izakaya (Japanese-style bar) and decided to go in, as we’ve been missing Japan. We started a conversation with the bartender, who was there trying to learn Portuguese. We drank sake and ate snacks and waited for my friends.
They started messaging me saying that they were late.
This was expected, they’re never on time. I told them to be there at 10pm but knew they’d only show up by 12.
Then my best friend showed up. We had a few drinks still in the izakaya.
Then people started saying they weren’t coming. They were too tired.
At the time I just ignored it and continued enjoying myself, it was a really pleasant evening. And I got to practice my Japanese, which is always good.
But when I was in bed a sadness took over me.
They couldn’t be bothered to make the effort and come to have a drink. What the hell? What kind of friends are they? I always make the effort to go out and see them. I even decided to have drinks in Lisbon because it was more convenient for them. And they couldn’t even get off their lazy asses and have a fucking drink with me on my birthday?
I pushed those feelings deep down so I could enjoy the rest of the weekend with my boyfriend. We enjoyed the sunshine, played with my parents’ dog, watched MotoGP (big fan) and on Monday I drove him to the airport.
Once he was gone, I opened that box of feelings up again. It didn’t help that I was already feeling down, saying goodbye to my boyfriend is never easy. My thoughts turned so negative that I decided to just spend the day watching Netflix until I had to go to work, just to distract me.
Then, a couple days later, as I was putting my thoughts down in my writing notebook, I realised that I’m really to blame for feeling so negatively about my friends.
I’m not saying that it wasn’t upsetting that they didn’t show up, but I’m the one who’s putting all these expectations on my friends and getting disappointed by myself. It’s always been difficult to get them together and they have really busy schedules.
All this frustration is coming from myself. I need to stop wasting energy on things that I can’t control, and learn to appreciate what I do have. Instead of feeling upset because my friends are too busy or too tired to come and see me, I should enjoy the fact that they find time in their busy schedules to go out with me from time to time.
After this small epiphany, I’ve been feeling a lot better, I’m not even upset anymore and look forward to seeing my friends whenever they have the time.
Here’s another sketch of Cat Noir from Miraculous Ladybug. Once I started, I just had to keep going. This one was made digitally.